in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
