im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
