Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
