I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
