Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
