i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
