i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
