I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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