walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
