So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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