Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
