i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
