we're chasing vodka with high fives
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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