dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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