I feel great
I just peed on a car
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You left your phone here
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