the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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