I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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