well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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