well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my shit smells like andre
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
