Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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