the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
