we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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