HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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