Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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