YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
