wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
