Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
