I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
