I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
