fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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