You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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