he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
