I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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