what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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