Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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