She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we're making bets on your personal life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
