My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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