I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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