i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
my liver is dry heaving
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
