Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A bitchslap is in order.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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