Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
