So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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