I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
