I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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