I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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