I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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