I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
