My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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