There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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