Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
