Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
