Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
