some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
