Do you still have your period?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
