Swine flu. Run for my life!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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