Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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