$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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