operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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