Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
