Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
