Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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