i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
