hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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