Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
