At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
