hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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