I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
