i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
