If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize