So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
