some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
