Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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