I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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